PAWTUCKET, R.I. — An armed man robbed a Citizens Bank branch Monday morning — but was apparently so unsatisfied with the money he got that he left empty-handed.Police Sgt. Paul Brandley said that the man masked his face and drew a gun on the teller at the bank on 409 East Ave. around 10 a.m.The man demanded money and got it, Brandley said. But for some reason, the man didn’t take the cash with him when he ran out of the bank. (Providence Journal)
MONDAYS. Mondays Mondays Mondays. Any other day of the week I would be all over this guy. May have even called him a mean name or two. But Mondays are the devil and I can’t really blame him for forgetting the most important part of a bank robbery, which is to leave the bank with the money you are robbing.
I’ll give him this. He hasn’t been caught yet. Not getting caught is a very crucial element to robbing banks. Anyone that has even seen The Town knows you have like 2 minutes before the police arrive and you’re screwed. That and you’ll get away if you’re dressed like a nun. This guy is no rookie. It wasn’t his first rodeo. He was born to rob banks on any day of the week except Monday.
Im gonna give this guy some advice and I suggest he take it. He’s probably going to get caught at some point and probably end up in prison for armed robbery. But if I was his lawyer, I would use the whole forgetting the money thing to my advantage. There must be some loophole in the justice system that says if you didn’t actually rob anything that you can get off or at least get a way lighter punishment. Even better, spin it and say he was just testing the banks security. A fire drill for getting robbed. You see a man waving a gun in the tellers face, I see bank employees getting a real life simulation of a robbery. It’s an opportunity for Citizens Bank to test their emergency procedures and protocols. And hey, THEY PASSED!!! They did everything right. As far as I see it, the victims ended up being the winners. Sorry, but if there’s no money taken and the bank got some good robbery experience, then there’s no crime committed in my book.
Also, Citizens Bank needs to update their technologies so maybe they deserve to get robbed. If you still have to put cash into an envelope and write your account number on the front in order to deposit then getting robbed is the least of your concern. If you have to actually interact with somebody to put money in, that’s enough for me to not want your services. This isn’t the 2013, it’s 2016. Bank Newport 4 Life.